Losing My Religion
For many of us, each New Year begins with two things: a pledge to become a better version of ourselves and a list of resolutions to help us get there. Typically, among the top three resolutions on most people’s list is the goal to lose weight. In our commitment to shed excess pounds, we dust off our gym sneakers, take our trusted juicers and blenders off the shelves, and follow any fitness gurus on social media that seem to have the magic formula for weight loss—all while repeating the mantra “New Year, new me” over and over in our heads. For some of us though, our desire to become better starts to fizzle as the weeks turn into months, and once again we revert back to what is familiar and comfortable.
Losing weight is not merely about the shedding of pounds. It’s about freeing ourselves from the emotional roadblocks that keep us trapped in the cycle of seeking comfort and making excuses to preserve what makes us comfortable. If we really want to lose weight, there has to be a shift in our relationship with food. True transformation is never easy. In order to truly be transformed, we must accept the reality that we are going to have to be pushed out of our comfort zones and into a place of complete vulnerability, where we must evaluate the people, places and things in our lives that have kept us from moving forward.
2018 was a challenging year for me, spiritually. As I look back on my New Year’s resolutions from that year, written just above my commitment to lose weight was my desire to have a deeper relationship with God. I wanted Him to penetrate all areas of my life. I wanted to hear His voice above all others, but change was necessary.
3 Ways Losing My Religion Changed My Life
Religion
noun
re·li·gion | \ ri-ˈli-jən
A personal set or institutionalized system of religious attitudes, beliefs, and practices.
-Merriam Webster Dictionary
Now, when I say that I lost my religion, I don’t mean that I lost my faith or my commitment to God, nor did I become an atheist or agnostic. I didn’t leave my church or lose my mind running after other gods. I simply got quiet enough to hear the still small voice of the Lord, and I chose to be obedient and follow His lead. What I lost was a religious mindset that was riddled with inaccurate beliefs. But what I gained was true transformation and healing. Once I stopped relying on what was familiar and comfortable, God stretched me beyond my comfort zone and brought me into a new level of trust and freedom.
1. Losing Legalism
As believers, it can be so easy to claim to know God yet never truly be transformed into His image. Instead of allowing His love to permeate the deepest areas in our hearts, we become consumed with following moral codes. Because of my strict Christian upbringing, it had never dawned on me that I was adhering more to the letter of the law than to the Spirit. An old boyfriend of mine once told me, “Danisha, you know the word of God inside and out, but you don’t know God’s grace.” Ouch! Being an avid studier of the word of God was a point of pride for me; however, I didn’t realize how hard I was being on others and on myself.
Because grace was seldom shown to me growing up, my view of God was distorted. I saw Him only as someone to be worshipped and feared. I was more scared of falling and failing than I was eager to know Him as the gracious, loving, and forgiving Father He is. Even into my adulthood, when I joined a different type of church community, I was still stuck in the fire and brimstone mindset. The remnants of legalism still laid deep within. I had to change how I saw God.
“Come to Me, all who are weary and heavily burdened [by religious rituals that provide no peace],and I will give you rest [refreshing your souls with salvation].”
In order to lose legalism, I had to change how I viewed God’s love and allow myself to experience His grace. I also had to accept that I’m human and that I need to show myself grace in those areas of my life that are still a “work in progress”. Once I let go of the law and learned to rest in His love, the natural overflow from my heart was the fruits of the Spirit. I didn’t have to strive to be patient, but it flowed from a place in my heart that was connected to the One who is always patient. None of us have it all together—not even the preachers on the pulpit we tend to idolize. But when we’re able to truly live in a place of love and mercy, we can to extend it others as well as ourselves.
“but He has said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you [My lovingkindness and My mercy are more than enough—always available—regardless of the situation]; for [My] power is being perfected [and is completed and shows itself most effectively] in [your] weakness.’ Therefore, I will all the more gladly boast in my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ [may completely enfold me and] may dwell in me.”
2. Losing the Battle to Fix People
Another area that God challenged me to change is my need to fix others. As a woman who is called to serve other single women of God, it can be easy to cross the line from ministry to taking on the role of Jesus. Let me say it this way… it’s very common for women to try and fix their significant others. We take on the mantle of molding him into whom we believe he should be, and then we take offense when he resists our tactics. I’ve been guilty of being the “fixer” in my romantic relationships. In fact, through therapy, I learned that I had gone so far as to believe that fixing my partner was my responsibility.
As a future clinician, part of God’s training for me was to allow me to go through an exhausting relationship, so I could fully understand that the only one that can fix us is Christ. For me, losing the battle to fix meant that I had to come to a deeper understanding of who I am and who God is. In light of that revelation, it was easier for me to see that I had taken on a responsibility that was never meant to be mine. Nowhere in scripture are we called to take on the burden of being someone’s savior. We’re simply called to point people to the Savior.
"What, after all, is Apollos? And what is Paul? Only servants, through whom you came to believe—as the Lord has assigned to each his task. I planted the seed, Apollos watered it, but God has been making it grow. So neither the one who plants nor the one who waters is anything, but only God, who makes things grow."
Though it is true that God sometimes gives us keen insight into areas of people’s lives that may need to change, we have to be careful of crossing the line. Our responsibility is merely to listen with a nonjudgmental ear, share scripture or other resources that can help them succeed, and keep them in prayer. Transformation happens by the renewing of our minds, and that can only be orchestrated by the One with the power to change us into His image.
3. Losing the Worship of Busyness
When studying the Bible, we seldom reflect on how Jesus would often take time to withdraw from those around Him in order to spend some time focusing on Himself. The Bible never explicitly names self-care as a mandate from God, but we do have Jesus’ behavior as an example to follow. Many of us burn out while fulfilling our purpose because we overextend ourselves. If we’re not being everything to everyone, then we are doing everything for everyone.
We live in a time where being busy is a way of life. Try asking someone how they’re doing, and chances are that their response will be, “Busy”. Busyness dwells in our families, in our occupations, on social media, and even in ministry. Seldom do I remember seeing those in my family or even in church leadership taking breaks on a consistent basis. It seems that finding your purpose means that you also find yourself working tirelessly, with no rest until your life comes to an end. It’s only in recent years that the terms self-care and mindfulness have surfaced in the Christian arena as a way of finding peace and balance.
Last year I took my first solo vacation to Jamaica. I had to hit the pause button on my life, be still, and listen for God’s voice in the midst of the noise. I realized from that experience that self-care is tied to our self-love. We have to love ourselves enough to know when any part of our self—whether mind, body, soul, or spirit—is tired and in need of refreshing. We cannot give from an empty vessel. The word of God is clear; we are to love God with all of our heart, soul, and mind, and we are also commanded to love our neighbors as ourselves (Matthew 22: 37-39). The key word there is “ourselves”. Love yourself well so that you can love God and others well.
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Losing my religion was about being set free from some religious attitudes, beliefs, and practices that had nothing to do with the word of God. Personally, I had to take some time away from writing my blog in order to grow, heal, rest, and work on the areas that needed to change. It’s amazing how when I started to lose my religion, I also started to lose the physical weight I had been carrying.
I’m still a work in progress, but I’m so grateful for God’s grace and patience that is changing me into the image that God designed me to be. I’m also excited to continue the tradition of self-care in my daily life and in my yearly travels (more to come on which country I decide to visit next). Though New Year resolutions played a part in my journey, don’t wait until the new year to discover a new you. No matter if it’s January, March, or November, it’s time to let true transformation to take root.
In keeping with the tradition of this blog, below are some questions for you to ponder in your devotional time with God, as well as book recommendations to aid in your studies. As always, please feel free to reach out with comments, questions, concerns and prayer requests.
Stay blessed and fabulous!
Your sister in Waiting,
Danisha
Journal Questions:
1. In what ways have you had to reevaluate or challenge your own religious attitudes, beliefs, or practices in order for transformation to truly take place?
2. How do you balance busyness and self-care? Where do you see room for improvement?
3. What areas of your life have you had to “lose” in order for God’s will to take priority in your life?
Book Recommendation:
1. Don't Settle for Safe: Embracing the Uncomfortable to Become Unstoppable by Sarah Jakes Roberts